


Scarred Heart

by KaitlynSpeight



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Body Image, Depression, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, One Shot, Pining Gabriel, Pining Sam, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 06:30:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6842905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaitlynSpeight/pseuds/KaitlynSpeight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Gabriel have been best friends forever, so Gabriel is pretty much required to help Sam land the girl of his dreams, no matter how much he wishes the moose was pining after him instead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [1967PotterImpala](https://archiveofourown.org/users/1967PotterImpala/gifts).



> My birthday gift for my ever-perfect Smol.  
> Dear you are one of my best friends and I love you to death, I hope your day is as fab as you are;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look there's art!   
> https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13240519_1017673984991597_5201829843709715467_n.jpg?oh=6540839a6bc7b81c227743e8e2b6e063&oe=57DFEC46

Sam and Gabriel had been friends for as long as either could remember. They couldn’t actually remember meeting, or going through the awkward phases of a relationship, it was sorta like the other  _ appeared  _ in their life one day, and they were instantly connected. 

 

Everyone thought their relationship was weird; Sam, the good kid, spent all of his time studying to be a lawyer at Stanford Law, and Gabriel, the party boy, made his living as a self-proclaimed photographer, (although he does actually get some pretty good business.) 

 

Real opposites attract type deal, although this time they might have attracted a little unevenly. See, Gabriel was head over ass for Sam, but of course, Sam would never see him as more than a best friend. Which was fine, really, it was okay. 

 

Gabriel was more than happy to be Sam’s friend, as long as he got to stay in this perfect human’s life. That sure as hell didn’t make it hurt any less when Sam confessed he  _ maybe  _ crushing on the girl in one of his lectures, though. And it definitely didn’t help when he waxed on and on about her beautiful golden hair or her ‘eyes that look like a stormy sea’. 

 

But, he was Sam’s best friend, it was practically in the handbook that he helped Sam hook up with this girl, even if he had to tear out his own heart to do it. It would be worth it, just to see that sappy smile on the kid’s face. 


	2. I.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo Sammy!!! (Heidi you got the rant about this, Samm would like me to reiterate, I am utter shit and I left her with literally no time to work on any of these, and she may or may not be redoing them in the future depending on how life goes.)  
> https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13173979_1017673951658267_9107902638809542750_n.jpg?oh=4d47ba0aa94d7851d2b9815d8b937a5c&oe=57E2AED2

Sam flopped back into the grass, watching the clouds slowly shift and slide over his head. “She wouldn’t notice someone like me, Gabe, I’m nobody.” Gabriel rolled his eyes, brushing dirt off of a rock before skipping it across the lake. 

 

“Sammich you can’t put yourself down like that. You’re hot, smart, and have more love to give than a puppy,” Sam shot him a look and he shrugged, “`s a compliment. Anyway, she’s bound to love you once she gets to know you, you’ve just gotta get there.” Sam groaned, covering his face with his arm.

 

“How do I talk to her? She’s… her. She’s so… I don’t know how to talk to girls! You’re talking to the twenty-five year old virgin here, man, you’ve gotta help me.” Gabriel chuckled, ignoring the clenching pain in his chest as he skimmed the woods around them. “Lucky for you, I happen to be the world’s finest woman charmer.” 

 

Sam snorted, “explains why Lisa shoved a snow cone down your shirt when you asked her to model for you.” Gabriel sat in the grass next to Sam, picking a handful of violets and twisting them into a crown, “my talents can’t work on  _ everyone  _ Sam, that just wouldn’t be fair to society!”

 

Sam smiled, squinting up at Gabriel, watching his fingers move deftly over the thin stems, effortlessly twisting the delicate flowers together. “Mmm, I suppose you have a point, I can only hope I’ll have a chance after she lays her eyes on you, oh magnificent one.” Gabriel makes a face, plopping the crown on Sam’s head. 

 

“You can’t mock the man who’s gonna help you land the girl of your dreams, Samsquatch! It’s bad form! Now, make it up to me by being my model.” Sam rolled his eyes, but allowed Gabriel to pose him in increasingly weirder and weirder positions, snapping dozens of pictures before moving him again. 

 

“So love guru, what is the first step?” Sam smiled when Gabriel  _ finally  _ let him sit back down. 

 

“Talk to her,” Gabriel announced, not looking up from where he was scrolling through his camera. 

 

“That’s all, that’s really all you have to say?” Sam raised an eyebrow, staring at Gabriel until the man peaked up at him, sticking out his tongue.

 

“I can feel you glaring at me. For now? Yeah, that’s all I’ve got. I can’t plot a way to hook you two up based off of what she  _ looks  _ like. Get me information, what food does she like? What’s her major? Is she Rowling or a Martin? Give me  _ something _ to work with here.”

 

Sam takes a deep breath, nodding, “okay, yeah, good point. Class tomorrow… How… can I start talking to her? What should I say?” Gabriel rolled his eyes, yeesh, the kid really is hopeless... He takes a moment to remind himself it  _ isn’t  _ the cutest shit he’s ever seen before replying.

 

“Ask if you can see her notes or something, hell if I know, just… Just say hi. It’s not hard!” Sam shrugs, blushing and looking away from his friend, flower crown half falling out from where Gabriel had twisted it into his hair. 

 

It’s the most breathtaking thing Gabriel had ever laid eyes on, and he has to scold himself more than once for  _ almost _ reaching to brush Sam’s hair out of his eyes before the kid finally responds.

 

“Maybe it’s not for you, you’re popular, but… I’ll try.” 


	3. II.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art!  
> https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13233007_1017673791658283_4005109028433718528_n.jpg?oh=afd2087109e90752f10debe267e52397&oe=57AC8114

Sam groaned, stripping out of his shirt and jeans before running into the water to avoid Gabriel. “Sam! Don’t run away from me! I’m not done laughing at you!” Gabriel chased after him, running to the end of the dock before finally collapsing, wiping blood off his cheek from where a branch had smacked him on the run out here. “Sam!” 

 

Sam just swam out further, sticking out his tongue and diving under the water. Gabriel sighed, chuckling to himself as he pulled himself back to his feet, walking to the shore and folding Sam’s clothes for him. The kid was hopeless, he panicked so much he skipped the class all together.

 

Maybe he could use this as a valid excuse, not hook them up… He might be able to…  _ No _ . no, he wanted Sam happy, that’s all that mattered. 

 

He tugged off his own clothes before diving into the frigid water, thankful, not for the first time, that no one else knew about this place. He didn’t mind  _ Sam  _ seeing him, but he absolutely wouldn’t be comfortable if anyone else was around. Too many scars, too fat, stretch marks… Yeah, only Sam…

 

“This is actually a good opportunity! Pretend you were actually sick and need to copy her notes! She won’t know you skipped so you didn’t have to talk to her, today’s humiliating fuck up could be tomorrow’s win!” Gabriel laughed, splashing Sam when he surfaced. 

 

“I guess you’re right, at least it’s an actual reason… I could even say I went out of town or something, see if that sparks up a conversation…” Sam frowned, rubbing his hands over his face. “God I really am hopeless.” 

 

“If you were anyone else, I’d say that’s a brilliant plan Sammoose, but you can’t lie to save your life. What makes you think you’d be able to build an entire conversation about some fictional trip you took?” Sam pulled a face, but nodded, Gabriel wasn’t wrong, he really couldn’t lie. Not like he usually thought that was a _bad_ thing but… right now…

 

Sam started swimming back towards shore, and Gabriel trailed after him, letting himself admire the effortless way Sam pulled himself through the water. He wouldn’t have this much longer, there was no doubt in his mind once Sam actually talked to this girl, she would be fawning over him. Everyone did. 

 

And once they were together… All Sam’s time would be spent with her instead. Gabriel would have to say goodbye to the best friend he ever had. But Sam would be happy, so it was okay… For the most part. He would survive at the very least, he always did. 

 

“So what should I say, just, ‘hey I was sick yesterday, can I copy your notes?’” Sam called, dragging his feet through the water. Gabriel pulled himself onto the dock, flopping down on his back and watching Sam walk up on shore. 

 

“Yep! See if she asks if you’re feeling better, anything you can use to start a conversation.” Sam sighed, walking up on the dock and laying next to Gabriel. 

 

“You know I’m no good at that… Why can’t I just talk to people like a normal human, why do I have to be so awkward?” 

 

Gabriel reached over and stroked his hand over Sam’s face, “shh, Moosie, shh. You talk to me on a daily basis.” Sam cast him a look, “yeah but I don’t have a massive, soul devouring crush on  _ you,  _ it’s different.” 

 

Okay, that hurt a little. He knew it was true, Sam would never like him like that, but that didn’t mean he wanted to hear it stated so plainly. “That’s true, but just…” He swallowed, sitting up and blinking back tears. 

 

“Just pretend she’s me or something, or balance it out. Like picture me running around topless, you’ll gross yourself out so much you’ll forget all about your crush and talk like normal!” 

 

“Okay one, how would grossing myself out make me talk like normal, and two, why do you have to be so down on yourself? You’re pretty hot, yanno.” Sam chuckled, scooching up to sit next to Gabe, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. 

 

“I mean, you’re talking to me like normal now, so the gross out method is working.” Gabriel quipped, forcing on his best smile and batting his eyelashes at Sam. 

 

He didn’t mean it.  _ Couldn’t _ . Gabriel is repulsive, he knows that, Sam just doesn’t want to hurt his feelings. 

 

But, Sam leveled him with a stern gaze, raising an eyebrow, “no evading, Gabe, you’re not ugly. Sure you don’t have an eight pack but that just means you’re better to cuddle.” Sam dragged the smaller man into his arms,  _ just to prove a point _ , Gabriel reminded himself. 

 

“And I know you hate your scars, and if I’m being honest I wish you didn’t have them too. But not because they’re ugly, like you seem to think. I just wish you never hurt that much, but they prove you’re strong. They’re your battle scars, and I love your body so stop being so mean to it.” 

 

Gabriel shrugged, nuzzling into Sam’s chest. He could pretend for now, Sam was holding him so close, his heart was beating in Gabriel’s ear, his arms wrapped tightly around his waist. He could pretend, just for a minute, that this was his. That he wasn’t pushing it towards some girl with perfect hair and gorgeous eyes. Someone that was a million times better for Sam than he could ever be.

 

“Tomorrow, I can talk to her tomorrow,” Sam mumbled, sighing into Gabriel’s hair. 

 

Well, so much for that fantasy. “Yeah, Sam, tomorrow.”

 


	4. III.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art thing:   
> https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-0/s240x240/13166084_1017673861658276_5016640539085918403_n.jpg?oh=f099ad8b2ef7f9e3a4c843a5d494203b&oe=57E7E407

“Gabriel! Hey wait up!” Sam jogged down the road, slinging an arm over Gabe’s shoulder when he finally caught up. “Jesus, trying to avoid me?” Sam panted, leaning heavily on the shorter man. Gabriel chuckled, smirking up at his best friend. 

“Nah, just figured you could use the workout for your new girl. How’d it go?” Sam shrugged, dropping his arm and dragging his feet down the trail. “I uh, I asked if I could see her notes and she let me, then I kinda… Didn’t know what to do, I just copied down the notes and sorta shut down.”

Gabriel sighed, relieved, he wouldn’t have to say goodbye to Sam just yet. “Sammy! You’re hopeless!” He teased, standing on his tip toes to ruffle Sam’s hair, “you’ve just gotta sack up and talk to her, what’s the worst that could happen?” 

Sam shrugged, smiling shyly and fixing his hair, “she could laugh in my face? ‘Cause I’m about as dumb as a brick?” Gabriel rolled his eyes, linking his arm with Sam’s and dragging him off into the woods. 

“Yeah, alright, says the one in one of the best schools in the country. You’re studying to be a lawyer Sam, I’m the dumb one in this relationship, don’t take away from me!” Gabriel faked a sob, leaning heavily on Sam, “it’s all I’ve got man!”

Sam laughed, his eyes lighting up and dimples popping, and Gabriel beamed. He would never get tired of making Sam laugh, it was the best sound in the world. Sam should always be smiling, he shouldn’t have that lost puppy look he’s been sporting the past week or so, Sam looked best happy. 

“You’re such a dork, Gabe,” Sam smiled, leaning his cheek on Gabriel’s head and sighing happily. “I wish she was as easy to talk to as you…” Gabriel smiled sadly, pulling Sam down into the grass of their clearing and flopping sideways into his lap.

“You’ll get there, once you sack up I’m sure she’ll be even easier to talk to than me. You’re like, in love with her after all,” he smirked up at the giant, nails digging into his palm as he tried not to give away how much it hurt him to think about.

“I wouldn’t say love, and nothing could possibly be easier than you, Gabe.” 

Gabriel let out a scandalized gasp, hand flying to his chest, “well Sam, I never! Just cause I can get lah-ayed,” he humped into the air, pulling the most obnoxious face he could think of. Sam shoved him off his lap a moment later, and they both burst out laughing.

“Jesus Gabe, gross,” Sam panted, after the laughter had died down, flopping onto his back and closing his eyes, missing the heartbroken look Gabe shot him. If he only knew how close he was. 

Gabe couldn’t be with anyone, couldn’t take their pitying looks, couldn’t take their comments on his fat. They tried to word them as compliments, they never were. 

Sam was the only one he could let see him. Because Sam saw him, never once did he comment on the extra weight Gabe was sporting, or the dark scars that peppered his pale skin. He never once got a pitying look from the taller man, or heard the breathed `oh, what did you do?` 

Sam had always just seen him as Gabriel, and treated him as such. But he would never want to see him like that. He could never have that, so he could stop tormenting himself imagining it, thank you very much.

“What’s it like?” Sam asked innocently, and Gabriel shrugged, closing his eyes and willing back the tears that threatened to spill. “Nothin’ I can describe, kiddo, just gotta go get your girl.” Sam sighed happily, shifting his hands behind his head and staring up at the clouds. 

“You’re right, my ears would probably bleed if I listened to you talk about it, anyway. There are some things in life I don’t need to think about.” 

If, after that, Gabriel’s laugh was a little forced, and if he decided he wanted to go for a swim after that to hide the tears he had been holding back now burning paths his cheeks? Well, Sam didn’t notice.


	5. IV.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Woo!   
> https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13173827_1017673831658279_2579812666329147396_n.jpg?oh=7c35f0d491130fc3d223c7ede48a9b93&oe=57DAE0B4

“Gabriel quit hogging, damnit!” Sam shoved the man’s legs off the couch and flopped down, only to immediately be used as a foot rest. 

 

“Don’t tell me how to live my life, Samsquatch.” Gabriel said, pointing his spoon at Sam. “This is half  _ my  _ couch.”

 

Sam sighed, settling into his new life as a cushion for Gabriel’s feet. “Exactly, _ half _ , as in the other half is mine. And your feet smell, come on man!” 

 

Gabriel glared at him over his tub of Ben and Jerry’s, “blame the weather, I would much rather be at the lake but nooo it had to start pissing down rain.”

 

“How is that an excuse for your feet smelling like cat piss?” Gabriel raised an eyebrow, eating another spoonful of ice cream.

 

“ _ That  _ is not, my excuse for that is that your cat pissed on my floor this morning and I can’t get the bloody fucking smell off of me.” 

 

“Okay that’s fair,” Sam sighs, snatching the ice cream and taking a spoonful before handing it back to a sulking Gabriel. 

 

“It’s August, it isn’t supposed to be this cold,” Gabriel gripes, wrapping his blanket tighter around himself before digging back into his ice cream. Hey, it’s summer, hell if a little cold weather is keeping him from his sweets.

 

“Actually, it’s been September for like, a week.” 

 

Gabriel rolled his eyes, “you know what I mean, it’s  _ summer  _ why is it colder than Lucifer’s balls out there?” Sam chuckled, snatching the ice cream back and taking another bite, this time setting it between them. 

 

“You know most people say Lucifer is hot, not cold.”

 

Gabriel shrugged, scooping up another spoonful of ice cream, “I think he just does whatever he can to piss us off. If we want hot he’s cold, if we want cold he’s hot. If we want sun he pisses all over us…”

 

Sam made a face, snatching the spoon and taking a bite, “I run in the rain, I’d prefer to not think of it as fallen angel piss.” 

 

“I could have said come.” 

 

“Gabriel!” 

 

Gabe smirks, laying back and stretching his arms over his head, “Sammy likes jogging in Devil Ejaculate!” Sam swats his leg, but doesn’t put up any more of a fight, so Gabe lets it drop. “So how’d it go with Jess  _ this  _ time?” He teased, burying himself in his blanket so he wouldn’t have to see Sam’s sappy-ass face while he talked about this oh so perfect woman.

 

“I didn’t talk to her… Again. I’m such a chicken, I don’t know how you do it, Gabe.” Gabriel chuckled, peeking out from his blanket fort and raising an eyebrow. 

 

“Samuel Winchester I am a overweight, thirty year old man, who is curled up on the couch in cat boxers and a shirt that’s older than I am, with a pint of ice cream and a blanket fort. I manage. You shouldn’t have an issue.” 

 

Sam chuckled, swatting Gabriel’s calf, “don’t put yourself down like that, Gabe, you’re great. Anyone would be lucky to have you.” Gabriel chuckled miserably,  _ yeah, just not you…  _

 

“Yeah, sure. It’s cool. I’ll just live alone with my cat.”

 

Sam rolled his eyes, moving Gabriel’s feet and standing up, ruffling Gabriel’s hair before heading to the kitchen, “Loki is  _ my  _ cat, just saying, and you really are a catch, Gabe, believe it or not.” He announced over his shoulder, and Gabriel barely refrained from commenting. 

 

_ Then why don’t  _ you  _ want me? _


	6. V.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna hug the Gabe-babe :(  
> https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13177646_1017673904991605_1253589668914646939_n.jpg?oh=3896698e652d443fdb579a8689755b61&oe=57E19B2C

“Don’t look now, but that’s her.” Sam whispered, nudging Gabriel in the ribs and oh so  _ not  _ subtly jerking his head to the side. At least the park was crowded, hopefully no one would notice. Or. Maybe that’s exactly what needed to happen. 

 

“Where?! Oh my God, Jessica, hi!” Gabriel winked at Sam before running over to the blonde, smiling up at her. 

 

“Do… I know you?” Jess asked, furrowing her brow and looking around for someone else this strange man could be talking to.

 

“It’s Gabriel. We took a class together a semester or two ago! God, you know, I don’t remember anything about it, but you were always  _ such  _ a sweetheart!” 

 

Jessica smiles, nodding, “oh! Could it have been the criminology lecture with Divers? You _ do _ look kinda familiar.” 

 

Gabriel throws a wink over his shoulder at Sam, perfect, he was in. He knew every teacher on campus for explicitly  _ this  _ reason.

 

He slowly herds her back to where his moose was standing open mouthed, staring at them. “Divers… Yeah! He  _ hated  _ me, he’s such a hard ass, man. Brilliant, but I don’t learn when someone’s breathing down my throat like that, yanno?” 

 

Jessica laughed, and the look on Sam’s face at the sound was the final nail in Gabriel’s coffin. This was it. 

 

“Yeah I totally get you! I’m the same way! A lot of my friends really liked him, though, and they helped me study, did you at least pass?” Gabriel nodded, faking an exhausted smile. 

 

“Barely, but I switched majors, doin’ much better now. Straight  A’s actually- oh, Sam! Hey! Moose, this is Jessica, Jess, this is my best friend, Sammy.”

 

Sam blushed, but held out a hand, playing along as best he could. “Hey, Jessica, I thi-think Gabriel has mentioned you.”

 

Jessica smiled, taking his hand, “it’s lovely to meet you. Hey you’re… Oh! Are you in the three-thirty lecture with professor Collins?” Sam nodded slowly, letting his hand fall back to his side. 

 

“Yeah, I thought you lo-looked familiar. I’m glad you realized or it would have been bothering me all da-day!” Jessica giggled, leaning closer to Sam, and Gabriel took his cue. 

 

“It was great seeing you both! I have to get going, class in five. Have fun you two!” 

 

Before either of them could say anything he let himself vanish into the crowd. Not like they would have anyway, he noted, glancing over his shoulder, they were too busy staring at each other. Yep, Gabriel just lost his best friend, Sam wouldn’t have time for him now… But… That smile... It made it more than worth it. He could live with this. Maybe.


	7. Afterwards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Samm likes this one and it's my literal fave thing ever so enjoy)  
> https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13230317_1017673931658269_4371574486131755740_n.jpg?oh=e460063907c58a1f47aeb8308648694a&oe=57AC9EF6

“And where have you been, mister?” Gabriel teased, peeking over the rim of his coffee cup at a very- oh. “Spent the night with Jess, I see,” he teased, taking in the ring of hickies around his best friend’s neck. 

 

The only time he had seen Sam in the past few months was at the ass crack of dawn when he was getting ready for class. He spent all of his free time out with Jessica, and Gabriel was left alone to deal with his suddenly depressingly free calendar.

 

“Heh, yeah, we were talking about looking for a place together, and decided it’d be best to see if we could stand each other over night.” Sam smiled, pouring himself a cup of coffee and sinking into a chair across from Gabriel. “I think it’s safe to say it went exceedingly well,” he smirked, sipping his coffee, and Gabriel winced.

 

“Yeah, you two are practically inseparable, I wouldn’t expect anything less.” Gabriel stared down into his almost empty mug. He should be happy for Sam, things were going great, he was happy, but… 

 

God this hurt.

 

“I hope so, I love her, man. I don’t know what I’d do if it…” He trailed off, staring into space, dopey smile still firmly in place. Gabriel barely managed to choke back a sob, watching the waves in his coffee as his hands shook uncontrollably. 

 

“That’s gr-great, Sammich. I hope you two are happy.” He barely got the words out before standing up and all but running to the bathroom, stripping down and hopping in the shower, letting the tears come. They were happy, in love, and it was amazing. He was happy for them, really, but… This was gonna be the death of him.

 

He eyed the counter for a minute. He knew his razor was still hidden, just where it always was, and God did he want it… but… The look on Sam’s face the last time he relapsed. The heartbreak and… Fear. Sam was terrified he’d lose him, and… He wouldn’t let that happen. So he just sank to the floor, letting the water drown out his sobs. 

 

“Gabe, hey you okay in there?” Sam called, and Gabriel cleared his throat, praying his voice wouldn’t betray him. 

 

“Yeah, I’m fine! Be out in a few!” Not too bad, he didn’t sound like he was crying at least, maybe just sick.

 

“Alright, well I’m heading out! I might not be home tonight,” Sam called through the door and Gabriel cringed, digging his nails into his arms. 

 

“Alright, cya whenever Sammoose.” 

  
  


~!~!~!~

  
  


Sam adjusted his bag over his shoulder, sauntering up to Jess’ door, smiling to himself as he knocked. He was so lucky, he owed Gabriel his entire life for getting him this girl. “Sam? It’s open,” came the quiet voice from inside. He tried not to let the lack of a nickname get to him, Gabriel always something different, he was so used to it it was… Weird to hear his real name.

 

“Hey babe,” he smiled, letting himself in and wrapping his arms around her waist. “Hey,” she smiled, leaning back into his chest and turning her head to kiss his cheek. “How was Gabe?” She asked innocently, turning to face him and wrapping her arms around his neck.

 

Sam clenched his jaw, thinking back to the look in Gabriel’s eyes before he had vanished off to the bathroom. “I’m not sure, he seemed a little… off, I think something is bothering him.” Jessica smiled knowingly, leaning up to press a kiss to his lips.

 

“He probably misses you, you haven’t spent much time with him since we got together, you should spend the weekend with him.” Sam nodded, face absolutely lighting up at the idea, he missed Gabriel, he just didn’t want Jess to think he’d rather spend time with him than her.

 

“I can do that, I miss him too…” Jess giggled, pulling out of his grip and heading to the kitchen, “then spend more time with him you doof, he’s your best friend, no way I’m getting between you two.” She dug through the fridge, “pizza or chinese?” 

 

Sam chuckled, flopping down on the couch, “depends, are we heating it or eating it cold?” 

 

“If you want it heated you can do it your damned self!” Jess announced, pulling out a slice of pizza and taking a bite, tossing Sam a beer. “Pizza it is, grab me a slice pleaaaseee,” he whined popping the top of his beer and taking a long pull. 

 

“You’ve got it,” she pulled out her own beer before heading to the living room. 

 

“You realize you pretty much live here, you can get your own food.” She flopped down in his lap, handing over the pizza and glaring when Sam smirked at her. “I’m just seeing how long you’ll keep feeding me.”

 

“Oh screw you,” she swatted him, smiling and straddling his hips, setting her pizza off to the side. “So what do you wanna do, mister Winchester?” 

 

Sam chewed on his lip, cocking his head to the side, “actually, I… want to lay down? I’m really tired…” 

 

Jessica chuckled, downing the rest of her beer and hopping off his lap, “I can do that,” she chowed down on the rest of her pizza, watching Sam do the same before leading the way to the bedroom.

 

Sam flopped down on the bed gracelessly, tugging off his jeans, and making grabby hands until Jessica joined him. 

 

Jess smiled, nuzzling herself into Sam’s chest. Truth be told she was more than a little tired herself, and was drifting off almost as soon as her eyes closed. Sam sighed happily, tightening his grip around her waist, “Gabriel,” he sighed and Jess froze.

 

She rolled over to face him, but his eyes were closed, breaths even and face relaxed with sleep. Why… why had he said Gabriel’s name? She snuggled closer into his arms, frowning, did he… want to be with Gabriel? 

 

She wasn’t going to hold him back if he did, but she also didn’t want to leave if it was just a fluke. She loved him, she would do whatever it took to make sure he was happy, whether or not it involved her. 

 

She tried to think back over the last couple months, anything that would make a case either way.

 

Now that she was thinking about it, she felt like an idiot, it had been so obvious. The way his eyes lit up when she mentioned the other man, or how antsy he was to go home after spending time with her. He always seemed happiest when they were talking about  _ him _ .

 

She sighed, detangling herself from Sam’s arms and gathering up her keys and wallet. She had to see if Gabriel felt the same, if they could work out there was not a chance she’d stand in the way, no matter her own feelings.

 

The trip to Sam’s apartment wasn’t long, and she only realized after she was there that it was the middle of the night… Hopefully Gabriel would still be up, but from how Sam talked, he didn’t sleep much anyway. She raised her hand, only then noticing she was shaking, and knocked.

 

It only took a moment for the door to swing in, and a very disgruntled man in only pajama pants to open the door. “Do you have any idea what tim- Jess?” He stepped aside without another word, gesturing her inside. 

 

She walked in and sat on the couch, staring at her lap. “Do you love him?” She asked, trying to keep her voice from breaking, and she heard a crash and a string of curses in responce from behind her. 

 

“You… what are you asking me?” Gabriel asked, voice strained, as he limped to the couch and flopped next to Jessica. 

 

He  _ knew  _ he should have moved that damn table, he fucking knew it. He was a clutz on the best of days but when his best friend’s girlfriend shows up in the middle of the night unannounced asking questions like  _ that _ ? Yeah he ate it. Fucking hard.

 

“Do you love Sam,” Jess clarified, and Gabriel bit his lip, there was no way this could end well for him, no matter what he said. “Of course I love him, he’s my best friend.” He smirked, pretending like saying so didn’t drive a giant fucking knife through his heart.

 

“Gabriel, don’t be an idiot. Are you in love with Sam Winchester.” She met his eyes with her tear filled ones. He looked away, what was the point in lying? He lost Sam already anyway.

 

“Yes.” His voice was so soft it couldn’t even be called a whisper, but Jess heard him loud and clear, a sob tearing its way out of her throat. 

 

Gabriel looked up, of all the reactions he had expected, that hadn’t even made the list of possibilities.

 

“Hey, what’s… did something happen?” He asked, and Jess covered her mouth with her hand, shaking her head and standing up from the couch, backing away. “Jess, what’s going on? I’m not gonna get between you two, I just want… I want to be in his life. I don’t… I swear I won’t get in the way please don’t…” 

 

Please don’t what? Tell him? Nothing mattered anymore. Sam was gone, he had chosen her, she knew how he felt… Everything was over. 

 

Jessica sunk against the wall, pulling her legs to her chest and sobbing into her knees, and, not knowing what to do, Gabriel sank down in front of her, gently petting her hair. “I’m not a threat, I swear, Sam doesn’t like me, I won’t do anything to take him away from you. I swear, I’ve… Since before I hooked you two up. It’s not…” 

 

Jessica looked up at him, tears still pouring down her cheeks, and smiled weakly. “You’re wrong.” She whispered, her voice cracking, and Gabriel froze. 

 

“About what?” 

 

“He loves you. He does, Gabriel, and I’m not going to get between you two.”  Gabriel tensed, Sam… loved him? No, no way, there wasn’t a possible way in hell. He shook his head, falling back and scooching away from her. No. She was lying. She had to be, this was all some prank.

 

Jess watched the man panic, scurrying back until he hit the sofa, pressing himself against the fabric, “Gabriel I-”

 

“Get out,” he whispered, tears stinging his eyes. Sam must have figured it out, told Jess, this was their way of getting him to make a fool of himself. He wouldn’t do it, Sam didn’t love him, he knew that. Sam loved Jessica and that was all there was for it.

 

Jess slowly pulled herself to her feet, wiping at her eyes, “no, Gabriel listen to m-”

 

“I said get out,” Gabriel hissed, pulling himself up as well and blinking back the tears. Of course, a perfectly timed breeze chose that moment to remind him he wasn’t wearing a shirt. He wrapped his arms around himself, trying to cover up, although there wasn’t much point now, she must have seen him but… where were the comments? 

 

“I don’t know what you’re playin-”

 

“He moaned your name in his sleep!” Jessica cut him off, taking a step forward. “He… Gabriel if you could see how much he lights up when he talks about you, the look in his eyes. He’s… He’s so gone for you, and I’m not…” She shook her head, taking another step forward.

 

Gabriel’s arms fell limply to his sides, his shoulders drooping, “you… He…” He didn’t know what to think, why would Sam want someone like him? Jessica was beautiful, smart, sweet… They worked. Gabriel was broken, Sam shouldn’t… “Why would he chose me over… over someone like you? You’re…” 

 

Jess shook her head, looking at the floor, “come to my place with me. I think we all need to have a talk in the morning.” 

 

Gabriel nodded, “I’ll be… back in a second.” He rushed back to his room, eager to cover himself.

 

He pulled on a loose shirt, one that might have been Sam’s once upon a time, he was being stupid. If he hadn’t already lost Sam forever, going with Jessica now would definitely drive him away, but if there was a chance…

 

He rolled his shoulders, taking a deep breath before walking back out and meeting Jess, who was sitting on the couch, hunched forward in defeat. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, brushing a hand over her shoulder. 

 

Surprisingly she turned and smiled at him, shaking her head, “I’ll get over him, you’ll make him happy, you’re good for him.” Gabriel raised an eyebrow, offering her a hand up, “there is no getting over that boy, trust me, I’ve been trying for years.”

 

She shrugged, smile melting away, “you’re right but… This is what’s best,” she walked out without another word and Gabriel trailed after her. This was either going to be the best or worst day of his life, he just wished he knew which.

 

~!~!~!~

 

Sam groaned, not ready to be awake yet, and stretched sleepily, patting the mattress next to him, it was cold. “Jess? Babe?” He called, sitting up and dragging himself out of bed, tugging on hi pants. He absently scratched his stomach, yawning as he padded down the hall. 

 

“Jessica where- Gabriel, what are you doing here?” His eyes widened, taking in the lump on the couch, who only curled himself tighter into a ball in response. “What’s wrong, what’s going on?” Sam asked, quickly closing the distance between them and sinking to his knees in front of the couch.

 

“Morning, Sam,” he spun around at the sound of Jessica’s voice, smile faltering when he saw the pain etched on her face. “What’s going on?” He turned back and forth between the two of them, finally settling on staring at Gabriel, who looked like he was about a hair’s breadth away from having a melt down.

 

Jessica sighed, she had been right, there was no mistaking the look on Sam’s face. How had Gabriel missed it? 

 

“Are you gonna kiss him or do I need to come over there and smash your faces together?”  _ That  _ got Sam’s attention, his head whipping around so fast it gave  _ her  _ whiplash. 

 

“What are you talking about? I don’t-” 

 

“Sam cut the bullshit. You should see your face when you look at him,” she smiled fondly at him, walking over and running her fingers through his hair, sinking down onto the ground next to him. “Nothing else in the world matters to you when he’s around, you light up like a damn christmas tree every time you hear his name…”

 

There was a small whimper from the couch next to them, and Sam’s attention snapped back to Gabriel, gently stroking his knee.

 

“Case and point. Sam, it’s okay, really. If he’ll make you happy then…” She trailed off, gently tucking his hair behind his ear. “That’s all that really matters to me.”

 

Sam hesitantly turned back to Jess, trying to take in what she was saying. Was she right? He knew Gabriel was his best friend, he loved spending time with him but did he really… “Jess, I don’t…”

 

Jessica smiled, lightly thumping the back of his head, “yeah, ya do you big doof. It’s okay, I promise you it’s okay. Now I’m gonna go hide in the kitchen, you get mister turtle out of his shell. No fucking on my sofa.”

 

Gabriel hugged his knees tighter, burying his head between his legs and blinking back tears. Jess was wrong, he knew she was wrong, he fucking knew it. How could he be so stupid, Sam had no idea what she was talking about. Sam had said himself he didn’t have a crush on him, why had he believed her…

 

But… Only one pair of feet were walking away. And there was still a warm hand on his knee. Sam hadn’t left him, yet.

 

“Gabriel, hey, look at me?” Gabriel tensed, shrinking in on himself, “go talk to her, Sam, I’m sure you can still fix this. Just go.” He whispered, how could he look at Sam? How could he see the disgust on his face, he wouldn’t survive that, couldn’t.

 

“Gabriel, please, I need you to look at me, it’s okay, everything’s okay.” Gabriel slowly lifted his head, blinking rapidly to try to clear the tears that filled his eyes, wincing when they spilled down his cheeks instead. 

 

Sam’s hand hesitantly lifted, cupping his cheeks and wiping away the wetness, and Gabriel melted into the touch. Sam might not love him, but he was still the best friend anyone could ask for, maybe he wouldn’t leave. Maybe…

 

“Don’t cry, it’s…” Suddenly Sam’s voice was thick with emotion, and  _ his  _ eyes were swimming with tears, “God, I’m such an idiot.” 

 

Gabriel was going to ask him what he was talking about. He was. But before he had a chance he was being dragged off the couch. He yelped and flailed awkwardly for a moment before he was wrapped up in Sam’s arms. “Such a fucking idiot how did I not…”

 

Gabriel melted into the embrace, nuzzling against Sam’s chest, “not what?” He finally asked, not sure he wanted to hear the answer. 

 

“Gabriel how do you feel about me?” Well, that wasn’t the response he was expecting. 

 

“You’re… my best friend.” He whispered, peeking up at Sam from his place on his lap. 

 

Sam shook his head, tracing his fingers over Gabriel’s cheek gently, almost reverently. “That’s not what I’m asking. What do you feel?” He asked again, eyes flicking across Gabriel’s face, trying to take in everything at once. 

 

“I… Sam don’t make me say,” the pleading look Sam shot him was enough to have any argument he had left dying in his throat. “I love you,” he whispered, not able to look away. For once he didn’t want to hide, he felt safe in Sam’s arms.

 

Sam’s eyes lit up, and Gabriel smiled weakly up at him, wiping away a tear that slowly trailed down his cheek. Sam leaned into the touch, eyes flicking between Gabriel’s eyes and his lips, raising an eyebrow. 

 

Oh, God, this couldn’t be happening… Gabriel nodded, only moving a fraction of an inch, but it was enough. Sam cupped the back of his head, carefully guiding him into a slow kiss, hands drifting down to cup his neck. 

 

Gabriel’s heart nearly stopped the second Sam’s lips brushed his, he shyly buried his hands in Sam’s hair, sighing against him. Sam was kissing him. It was  _ Sam’s  _ hands on his neck and  _ Sam’s  _ body against his.

 

By the time they pulled apart, he wasn’t sure exactly whose tears were whose, but Sam  was smiling, wiping his thumb over his cheek, and he couldn’t bring himself to care.

 

“I have to talk to her,” Sam whispered, and Gabriel nodded sadly, looking away. It was nice while it lasted.

 

“Hey,” Sam gently turned Gabriel back to him, pecking his lips, “I just need to say goodbye. I’ll be right back, I promise.” Gabriel smiled weakly, pulling himself off Sam’s lap and watching him vanish into the kitchen. Even if he did go back to Jess this was more than he ever thought he’d get, he could be happy with this.

 

~!~!~!~

 

Sam sat heavily on the chair across from Jessica, smiling sadly at her. She smiled, reaching out and taking his hands, “it’s okay,” she whispered, rubbing her thumb over his knuckles, “really, it’s okay.” 

 

Sam nods, lifting her hand and kissing her fingers, “thank you, and I’m so… So sorry.” She nodded, squeezing his hand before shoving it away. 

 

“Go on, get outta here you oaf, your man is waiting.” Sam smiles, standing up and walking around the table, kissing her forehead. 

 

“You’re amazing, whoever you end up with is the luckiest human in the world.” Jess giggled, shooing him out of the room before sinking back in her chair, a stray tear sliding down her cheek. 

 

~~

 

Gabriel perks up when he hears someone walking towards him, blushing when he sees Sam coming back.  “Let’s go home,” Sam whispered, holding out his hand, which Gabriel takes a little too eagerly.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sam asks, holding the door open for them. Gabriel blushes, staring at their interlaced fingers. This was really happening, they were holding hands, Sam had  _ kissed _ him. 

 

“I… I was scared. I thought- thought you would… You always made comments about how you didn’t like me like that and I… I’d rather be your friend than your nothing.” He whispered, biting his lip, this all had to be some sort of mistake. There’s no way Sam would want  _ him…  _ and yet…

 

“I… I’m an idiot, you know that.” Sam mumbles, rubbing the back of his neck, “we’ve been friends forever, I thought since… I don’t know.” He glances over at Gabriel, blushing and pulling him closer, dropping his hand, just to wrap an arm around his shoulders instead. “Is this… Okay?” 

 

Gabriel hummed happily, leaning into Sam as they walked together, “I love you,” he whispered, just because he finally  _ could.  _ “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

 

~~

 

Once they got back to the apartment, Sam was about ready to collapse and sleep for the next week, and Gabriel was right there with him, but... he also wasn’t quite ready to let go. 

 

“Want to head to my room?” Sam murmured, as if reading his mind, and Gabriel nodded, shyly following Sam into the dark room.

 

They both flop down onto the mattress, and Gabriel sighs happily when Sam immediately pulls him to his chest. “This is okay, right?” Sam asked tentatively and Gabe hums happily, nuzzling into Sam’s chest. 

 

“This is perfect.”

 

Sam chuckles, the air puffing out Gabriel’s hair, and Gabriel nuzzles deeper into the blankets. “I love you,” he whispered into the darkness. He’s already addicted to how it feels on his tongue, he’s been telling Sam he loves him for  _ years,  _ but now he understands. 

 

Even if he hasn’t said it back yet, he  _ knows,  _ and he isn’t running. 

 

He could practically feel Sam’s smile in the dim room, in the hand that slowly pets up and down his back, and he couldn’t remember ever being this comfortable. He could feel his consciousness rapidly slipping away. 

  
The last thing he hears before the darkness enveloped him was the quiet breath of “I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> I really really really hope this lived up to your expectations, you def deserve the best <3<3


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